7 Psychological lessons from moving abroad.
Life has a way of teaching us what we need to know exactly when we need to know it, I believe. There are lessons to be learned and revelations to be discovered in every chapter of our story. I love when my friends and I get into deep conversations about this kind of thing. For that reason alone, I find it fitting to divulge some of the discoveries I made while living in The Netherlands. The points below can be a conversation starter between you and yourself or you and a friend. They are by no means “right,” but rather my current thoughts based on my personal life experiences. As you digest them, ask yourself what you believe, how you see it and what you would add or take-away :)
7 Psychological lessons learned while living abroad:
Are you familiar with the concept, not the literal definition, of “home?” I have always defined it as that cozy, reassuring feeling of being in a place or with a person that you love and makes you feel loved. Living outside of my home-country taught me that there are actually so many definitions of “home” a person might come to experience. I got to experience another kind of “home” feeling when I lived in a a country totally different from my own. I still felt familiarity and comfort once I settled in, but the “home” feeling was accompanied by new emotions. Newness and exploration became my normal, and I found comfort in it.
It’s often the people that make a place feel like home. The people I met in the Netherlands became my chosen family. I am so thankful for my biological family, and there is something so special about a familial-like bond with strangers who don’t owe you anything. The take away I gained regarding family is that family can be cultivated anywhere. The people I happened to meet were also a huge influence on my life outlook. They inspired me and reminded me that life doesn’t have to look one certain way.
The paths one can take in life are so bountiful, but I didn’t know that for a long time because I couldn’t see all of them. The paths to take in life that you see in front of you are actually only a fraction of your options. There is so much that exists out there in the world. I am forever thankful that living abroad opened my eyes to all the different ways I could live life.
Those other paths can be discovered when you get out and explore, and exploring doesn’t have to mean travel. It can mean getting to know people who are different from you, exploring parts of your city you haven’t ventured around, or trying something you wouldn’t naturally gravitate toward. Sometimes shaking up what stables you positions you to go after what your heart truly desires.
Stability is a big factor in mental health and well-being. But similar to the concept of home, what needs to be “stable” will vary per person. In some seasons of life, where you abide and work might need stability. In other seasons of life those things can sway, so long as you and your person stand firm together. What needs to be stable in your life depends on the specific situation you are in. It doesn't always have to be one genre of stable.
Lifestyle alone can contribute greatly to someone’s physical and emotional health. Having access to good-quality food, feeling safe enough to walk to where you need to go, being able to afford the roof over your head and seeing people take care of their community and each other makes for an impactful lifestyle. I will miss so much of the ease of certain things in the Dutch culture and lifestyle that is just not possible back home.
For me, the most freeing way to live is when I take it one year at a time. I like to set goals and make plans, but the biggest psychological breakthrough I have made personally while being an expat is detaching from those goals and plans. Life rarely goes how we think it will go. For me, it’s so much more exciting to let go of control and watch it all unfold.
These 7 lessons are about home, family, life-paths, exploration, stability, lifestyle and control. Where do you stand today on these concepts? What life experiences shaped your outlook on these things?
