Tales from the Chair

A therapist has the privilege of witnessing the depth’s of another human’s heart if they let us in. We hold space for people in a way that makes it safe to let their guard down. We get to see people in their most human form. Bear witness to their aha moments, their suffering, and their breakthroughs. We watch as they find a crack of light to let into the dark rooms of their mind. There are few spaces outside counseling that mirror this authentic and transparent exchange between two people.

What qualities does a therapist need in order to create a space for this to happen? For people to feel safe enough to find and speak to the parts of themselves that have been neglected, shoved aside, and exiled?

Recently I posted a poll on instagram, asking my followers which quality they believe is most important in a therapist, curious to know what people’s gut reaction pick might be.

Being nonjudgmental got the most votes by a landslide (151 votes) with cultural awareness and sensitivity coming in second (50 votes). Having a sense of humor took 3rd only by a handful of votes less (38 votes), while being experienced and highly knowledgeable received one lonely vote.

I think we can all understand why being nonjudgmental was the top pick. For one hour a week, the counseling space is expected to be a unique hour of uninterrupted sharing. Void of judgement and criticism. People work up the courage to confront their exiled parts, their fears, and the memories that terrorize their life. Being nonjudgmental is not just a good quality to have as a therapist, it is essential. It’s part of how we hold space for healing to happen.

With each new client I take on I like to think that another window in my heart swings wide open. As the clinical hours accumulate, so does my capacity to accept people for who they are.

I am nonjudgmental not only because of my own experiences, but because I desire to be that kind of person. Evolving one’s typical stance into one that is accepting, uncritical, playful, conscious, and concerned is the journey of a therapist.

I am proud to be on that journey, and I am proud to be her.

- Juliet