Tales From the Couch

Written by Juliet. Based on an anonymous, candid interview with a person (not a past or current client) who shares their honest experience in counseling.

“It was 8 years ago. I’m sitting in the waiting room twiddling my thumbs, listening to the sound of waves crashing on the sound system that circulates this cream and white office. My husband doesn’t know I’m here. Partially because he is the reason I’m here, and partially because I want this to be my little secret. I don’t want my kids and my husband to know I am doing this. I don’t want to have to explain myself. I especially don’t want one of them to get the idea that they should join me, even though I doubt that would be likely.

Maybe some part of me thought ‘screw them.’ If no one appreciates me and cares about my wellbeing, then I’ll go pay someone to.

So I came in and sat down on her yellow sofa. Tissues neatly stacked atop a Bible to my right, a phrase in quotes that read “Fill your cup first” behind her head, no coffee table in between us. Her emerald green chair sat an an angle across from me. I had to angle my body toward her for our eyes to meet. She had degrees proudly hanging around the room, all from secular universities. This was a Christian counseling center. I expected her to have a degree from a tiny Christian college like the one my husband attended. Some part of me felt relieved that she did not.

As I was sitting there I began to feel self-conscious, afraid that she would not ‘get it.’ The life I lived was so…complicated. I didn’t have a single friend who could relate to my family or my husband. I started to feel concerned that what I’m dealing with was not taught at those universities she attended. The room began to feel smaller and smaller.

And then she spoke. Her voice had a light and airy tone to it, almost angelic. What happened next in those 2 years we worked together is hard to dwindle down into a few short paragraphs. So I’ll speak to the qualities about her that helped me, and what I believe for others considering counseling.

She made me feel understood. My personal choices and experiences did not have to be explained. I did not have to educate her about what it’s like being a “ _________.” Her understanding and awareness of my lifestyle made me feel less isolated, less alone, less crazy.

I feared judgement and criticism before starting therapy. For so long I had kept secrets about my family because of the nature of our work. She held my secrets with honor and acceptance. She helped me get to a place of dignity and liberation from the things that were enclosing in on me.

She was completely focused on me. I often brought “others” into the room with me (not literally, this is feedback she gave me). She helped me kick all the “others” out and look solely toward myself. This next part is cringeworthy - She helped me to keep filling my cup first (;

If you are considering counseling, don’t let the fear hinder you. I believe counseling can be a refuge. If you aren’t ready to announce it to the world, don’t. If you need to do this for yourself in secret, do it. Do it with all the assumptions and fears you may have. Just do it. (Didn’t mean to quote Nike there oops). But you get the point. It might turn out completely opposite of what you expected.”